No Idea What I'm Doing
I think the most honest thing any of us could say these days is: I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. Between the terrifying chaos of world events, the unbearably sticky heat, the frenetic pace of our daily schedules, and even our TBRs, there’s little time to catch up, let alone try to reckon with anything.
I found myself stuck with one of my manuscripts these past couple of weeks. Writing had been easy up until then, so the rut was an unwelcome surprise. It happened in the middle of a particularly electric chapter, in the POV of a character I had only just introduced. Words weren’t coming to me, the character wasn’t speaking to me. There was only uncomfortable silence.
Certain I had lost her voice, I quickly went to my story bible to review what I knew about her. That didn’t help. Neither did reading fantasy works or watching fantasy media. Nothing was jostling the rubble damming up the creativity.
I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.
Block like this generally doesn’t happen to me. I’m a planner to an almost unreasonable degree, which makes writing much easier for myself. I spent the next several days irrationally worrying that the block would never end.
What else could I do but review the work I’d done thus far and try to determine what exactly it was causing the issue? So, I did. I re-read the entire manuscript, the story bible, and I thought about the path the story needed to take to be effective. Then, I noticed it: there were no character arcs in any of my bible sheets. I had some idea of where a few of the characters were going to end up, one was very clear, but I hadn’t plotted the paths for each of the seven POV characters that comprised the primary cast of the first book of the series.
Major oversight, I know. So, I set out to resolve it, and the process was everything that I needed to start feeling like myself again. I became immersed in the world once more, the characters and their individual plights, and how everything comes together to pave the way for the next book. It was one of those moments when things fall into place so easily that it almost seems as if there are forces beyond you helping to make it happen. Now, Ruin is back on track, and I feel a lot closer to the characters I’ve created, more invested in their fates.
I realized throughout this process that often I will find myself in a situation where I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, and that’s okay, because I’ll figure it out eventually. I just can’t surrender to that feeling of hopelessness.
The same could be said for my illness, still rearing its ugly head in the midst of the summer heat. Can it please be winter already?
Here’s one of my favorite excerpts from this past writing session:
What I’m grateful for this week:
Neuhaus chocolate pralines
“Chosen” by Blood Orange
A good writing partner
Discovering new things on the 5th BG3 playthrough
Books with delicious prose (literally anything by Yukio Mishima)
While I’m working on two manuscripts, I am releasing my very first fantasy romance, called A Reaping of Witches via Substack. If you like werewolves, vampires, witches, and some mystery, then feel free to check out the first chapter on my profile for free! (Marketing is still very weird, and I hate its guts.)
If you’re still unconvinced, here’s the blurb:
Rumors are swirling that vampire and werewolf populations are dwindling. And now, witches are disappearing.
Six months ago, Luna’s brother vanished into the woods, leaving nothing but a torn guitar strap and unanswered questions. As feral creatures stalk the forests of the Pacific Northwest, witches are forced to forsake their magic, hoping to avoid the same fate.
But secrets lurking within the confines of her own coven soon begin to reveal themselves, spurring Luna’s determination to discover the truth and to bring her brother home. When the solstice approaches, the coven elders reveal the will of the gods to Luna: she will be taken. This prophecy might be the chance Luna needs to uncover the truth about her brother and the other missing witches, but will unexpected romances and ancient revelations shake her trust in the elders and derail her plans?
I’ve also thought of including some book reviews or recommendations, so if you’re interested in that, let me know! Next week, the following chapter of Reaping will be released, so be sure to look out for it, if you’re a paid subscriber.
Until next time…